A Clevelander in Hell
A guy from Cleveland dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Clevelander is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"The Clevelander, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland. Hot,humid, a good placeto work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Clevelander's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the Clevelander is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.The Clevelander replies, "This is great! Just like April in Cleveland. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"
The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the Clevelander suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the Clevelander unhappy, the devil checks in on him.He is again aghast at what he sees. The Clevelander is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee."How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!? " screams the devil.Jumping up and down, the Clevelander throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Browns won the Super Bowl!"
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Saturday, July 29, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Because I'm A Man
Because I'm a ManBecause I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).
____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Monday, July 10, 2006
ANGELS HOME!!!
Angel is home...I have uploaded pictures from our wedding for all to see. Just click "our pictures"
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Toast to Angel
Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true,
Here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to her, all in one---Here's to Angel!
Angel returns home July 11th
Monday, May 29, 2006
Thank you!
Heres to our Heros past and present...Without your service we would not be free.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Atheist
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him.He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?""Very well," said the voice.The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke, "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful."
I'm Back
This is us leaving Cleveland
Below is the Christ Statue That Overlooks the City of Rio de Janeiro
That is a picture of 2 monkeys, no family resemblance
Carlieno, Elaine, Angel, Mom, Michelle, Then Daniel and myself
If you've played the game "Frogger", you know that the object is to get to the other side without getting hit. I have lived the game for the past 10 days. Red lights mean almost nothing, busses and cars stop no notice. CRAZY.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
What I love about Sunday
Raymond's in his Sunday best,He's usually up to his chest in oil an' grease.There's the Martin's walkin' in,With that mean little freckle-faced kid,Who broke a window last week.Sweet Miss Betty likes to sing off key in the pew behind me. That's what I love about Sunday:Sing along as the choir sways;Every verse of Amazin' Grace,An' then we shake the Preacher's hand.Go home, into your blue jeans;Have some chicken an' some baked beans.Pick a back yard football team,Nothin' much of anything:That's what I love about Sunday. I stroll to the end of the drive,Pick up the Sunday Times, grab my coffee cup.It looks like Sally an' Ron, finally tied the knot,Well, it's about time.It's 35 cents off a ground round,Baby. cut that coupon out! That's what I love about Sunday:Cat-napping on the porch swing;You curled up next to me,The smell of jasmine wakes us up.Take a walk down a back road,Tackle box and a cane pole;Carve our names in that white oak,An' steal a kiss as the sun fades,That's what I love about Sunday,Oh, yeah. Ooh, new believers gettin' baptized,Momma's hands raised up high,Havin' a Hallelujah good timeA smile on everybody's face.That's what I love about Sunday,Oh, yeah. That's what I love about Sunday
Friday, April 21, 2006
Justice is Served
So last Saturday night, I was working and we we all getting ready to leave. 2 young men walked up to my store, one on the right, one on the left. They double over, then both of them Threw up all over the door and window. Well, me being a person with no tolerance for stupidity and the fact that I have a temper that only really stupid people can bring out took off chasing them. After a minute or two I stopped pursuit (not because I couldn't catch him, but because I would of beat him down!) So I got into my car and peeled out after the car they were running to. They were gone by the time I got there. Got the windows clean the next day(had to wait till sunlight to get it all). Today the same stupid kids came in to eat. I was contemplating different things to do, block their car, deflate the tire, call the cops...Just then a cop drove by. I walked out back, talked to the officer. Told him I just wanted to scare the boys. They denied everything...For about 5 minutes. Then the officer said, last chance, If I go and see you on the Video, I'm arresting you right now. He instructed me to get the video set up. He did a great job, one was crying, he broke them down.... What an end to a great week. They apologized which was all I wanted.
Friday, April 14, 2006
My thoughts on Immigration.
This is what I think, some may disagree...
America needs immigrants to Survive. Almost anything you do during the day relies on the fact that an immigrant legal or not played a part in it.
I am more than willing to open the door to whoever wants to become an American. But come as you are, to serve this Country will all your heart. Love it or leave it. Learn the language. You are coming here to join us, not coming here for us to join you. We are not helping people by using tax dollars to make signs in 2 languages(with the exception for boarder states). When I go to McDonald to get a hamburger, I don't want the employee looking at me like I'm speaking the wrong language. Que?, hamburger! Que? I no speakeee English... Then get off the counter and in the kitchen. In my former life in NH, I NEEDED immigrants like every business in that area to staff my restaurant. But, I held English classes for them before work. And assisted them in classes outside of work. If they did not have a desire to learn English, I did not have a desire to give them a job. That being said, I had to learn another language to communicate with them, I didn't mind so much...I was the only one who attemted to learn. I accommodated them as much as possible, but only the ones willing to improve their life here.
I think if you want to Join this country, it should be free. Announce to the immigration office when you arrive to get your "Temps" . However, I think you need to be a productive part of society for 6 years before getting you permanent residency or citizenship. This will take a lot of people off welfare and other government programs. The guest worker program I feel would be an asset to us...Its true what they say, America has a lot of jobs that Americans will not do.
Anyone that is currently here illegally should pay a penalty or fine (whichever you want to call it). If during the time they were illegal they were in jail for any theft or violent crime, they should be removed and not allowed back in for 10 years. Build a fence along the Mexican Boarder, make it an electric shock kind just for fun.
As you all know, my wife is an immigrant to this country. What a pain in the neck to make it legal for her to be here. If my government would of decided to "deport" her, not only would they have lost a future contributor to society, but also a citizen(myself) I would of moved to Brasil to be with her.
Do I think what she did was right? Coming here to this country to Improve her life? I Think the way she went about doing it was wrong. But what options did she have...Get on a list...Wait 10 years? But as Americans make it so hard for that to happen. There is such an underground of illegal documents, Drivers license, passports, SSN's that it is Huge money for the people doing it.
This country needs to think of somehow to organize the flow of people coming in. And we should NEVER close out doors.
A side note- I'm sick of people asking me what I am. I tell them I'm and American. Then they go, I'm Puerto Rican, so I say really, where were you born? They reply "in Cleveland". Then I say, what in the world makes you a Puerto Rican? Your an American.
If you live here, LIVE HERE! If you want to be a Puerto Rican...Move there. Or say, that your from Puerto Rican descent(or Mexican, German, Brazilian...Or whatever.)
America needs immigrants to Survive. Almost anything you do during the day relies on the fact that an immigrant legal or not played a part in it.
I am more than willing to open the door to whoever wants to become an American. But come as you are, to serve this Country will all your heart. Love it or leave it. Learn the language. You are coming here to join us, not coming here for us to join you. We are not helping people by using tax dollars to make signs in 2 languages(with the exception for boarder states). When I go to McDonald to get a hamburger, I don't want the employee looking at me like I'm speaking the wrong language. Que?, hamburger! Que? I no speakeee English... Then get off the counter and in the kitchen. In my former life in NH, I NEEDED immigrants like every business in that area to staff my restaurant. But, I held English classes for them before work. And assisted them in classes outside of work. If they did not have a desire to learn English, I did not have a desire to give them a job. That being said, I had to learn another language to communicate with them, I didn't mind so much...I was the only one who attemted to learn. I accommodated them as much as possible, but only the ones willing to improve their life here.
I think if you want to Join this country, it should be free. Announce to the immigration office when you arrive to get your "Temps" . However, I think you need to be a productive part of society for 6 years before getting you permanent residency or citizenship. This will take a lot of people off welfare and other government programs. The guest worker program I feel would be an asset to us...Its true what they say, America has a lot of jobs that Americans will not do.
Anyone that is currently here illegally should pay a penalty or fine (whichever you want to call it). If during the time they were illegal they were in jail for any theft or violent crime, they should be removed and not allowed back in for 10 years. Build a fence along the Mexican Boarder, make it an electric shock kind just for fun.
As you all know, my wife is an immigrant to this country. What a pain in the neck to make it legal for her to be here. If my government would of decided to "deport" her, not only would they have lost a future contributor to society, but also a citizen(myself) I would of moved to Brasil to be with her.
Do I think what she did was right? Coming here to this country to Improve her life? I Think the way she went about doing it was wrong. But what options did she have...Get on a list...Wait 10 years? But as Americans make it so hard for that to happen. There is such an underground of illegal documents, Drivers license, passports, SSN's that it is Huge money for the people doing it.
This country needs to think of somehow to organize the flow of people coming in. And we should NEVER close out doors.
A side note- I'm sick of people asking me what I am. I tell them I'm and American. Then they go, I'm Puerto Rican, so I say really, where were you born? They reply "in Cleveland". Then I say, what in the world makes you a Puerto Rican? Your an American.
If you live here, LIVE HERE! If you want to be a Puerto Rican...Move there. Or say, that your from Puerto Rican descent(or Mexican, German, Brazilian...Or whatever.)
Childhood continued from Jen spot...
14. Robby modeling
15. Spending the entire day in the woods and mom not getting worried
16. "Stuff" for dinner
17. getting extra pudding from the elementary school
Did I mention the Family Pics?
here is a few samples...
Even when we were young...
And when we got older...
This was our example...
Immigration:
To stay or not to stay? That is the question. What is your answer?
With all the talk and debates about immigration, I would like to know what everyone that reads this thinks.
I'll save my thoughts for a little while to give everyone a chance to comment.
With all the talk and debates about immigration, I would like to know what everyone that reads this thinks.
I'll save my thoughts for a little while to give everyone a chance to comment.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
Measure up...
So latey my cold foods in my fridge have not been that cold. Angel and I have been pricing out refridgerators for a while now, and we both know what we wanted. So Sunday morning my wife wanted to go shopping for 1. I said okay, then opened the newspaper...looked at the ads...and said" i'm done. She didnt think that was funny. Angel said she saw a nice one at Marcs (for those of you who don't know, Marcs is a closeout center. Really cool stuff for very cheap.). So we went to Marcs, sure enough, just the kind we were looking for and 50 junior bacon cheesebugers cheaper than we've seen. So we paid, Called up the cousins picked it up an hour or so later. When we got home we decided to take the old one out first, we did without a problem. Now the problem. With all the excitement of getting a new fridge, We forgot to measure it. lets just say it is alot bigger than the old one, and took alot of "shifting" to get it in the front door...That was the widest door in the house. Its in the kitchen now, after the doors came off...not just the house but the fridge also, some molding and a hurt back.
1/4 of an inch is all the room I have between the Window sill and the counter (thats 1/8 on each side) Talk about cutting it close.
But, I dont have to make my own ice any more....
1/4 of an inch is all the room I have between the Window sill and the counter (thats 1/8 on each side) Talk about cutting it close.
But, I dont have to make my own ice any more....
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Top 10
1. A pet teaches you responsibility.
2. You can get lots of exercise by walking your pet.
3. If you get lonely, you have a friend to play with.
4. You can save a pet's life by adopting one from a shelter.
5. The pet needs a friend.
6. A pet always greets you at the door even when you've had a bad day.
7. When your Mom makes a terrible dinner, your pet can clean it up.
8. A pet can guard your house.
9. A pet can make a boring car trip much more fun.
10. The pet will love you, no matter what!
Friday, March 03, 2006
How time changes things
The last post made me want to go back and look at alot of "old" pictures. I saw a picture of me when I first moved to Cleveland, I looked good...not quite a 6 pack, but close. Well, That 6 pack is still there, I just have a 3 inch layer of protective gue covering it.
I just found some good ones. This is The OWL ...
I'm a Pack Mule...
I just found some good ones. This is The OWL ...
I'm a Pack Mule...
The joy of pet ownership
All my life I have had a pet or 2 or 3 at 1 point 5 plus fish. The joy of pet ownership is really hard to explain. When I was a young lad and my first dog Bea walked beside me without the leash, I thought I was the coolest kid on the block. When she died it was a very sad moment in my life. But I learned a lot from her, responsibility, trust, organization and many other things. Later in life (after I moved out) I at one point had 30 fish, 2 cats 2 birds a dog and an Iguana...all at the same time in a small apartment. There would be days I would just sit and watch my fish swim around, as each had his or her own personality. I even had a fish that would let me pet it. Fish are by far the easiest pet to maintain. My Iguana was the coolest, letting him out to run around with the cats, pure joy. I inherited 1 cat and the birds from a family that was moving....They forgot to comeback and get the animals. Watching the cats try to get inside the birdcage was some of the funniest moments of my life.
Then we had the family member that wanted to be a frog...I guess we all have a little animal in us...
Now, my current pet FOXY has brought so much joy to Angels life and mine. She's our babydoggie...She keeps me active, and I don't have to wipe her. She likes long walks on the beach, chasing after anyone that's not white (she did not learn that from me) and playing with the neighborhood kids. She truly is a great fit.
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