The salesman

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Missouri."Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.After the store was locked up, the boss came down "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says "one". The boss says "Just one?! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says "$101,237.65".The boss says "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell? The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing."

Michigan??

Q. What does the average Michigan player get on his/her SAT?
A. Drool.

Q. How many Wolverines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, but he gets 5 credits for it.

Q. Why do women from Michigan wear high heels?
A. To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground.

Q. Why doesn't Ohio slide off into the Ohio River?
A. Because Michigan SUCKS.

Q. What do you tell the U of M cheerleader to pick her up after she smiles at you?
A. Nice tooth, babe.

Q. How do you keep your family safe from a Wolverine?
A. Move to Pasadena.

Q. Did you hear the University of Michigan is going to bring back artificial
turf in their football stadium?
A. They're tired of the cheerleaders eating all the grass.

Q. Why did they change the playing field at "The Big House" to cardboard?
A. Because Michigan has always looked better on paper.

Q. How do you make Wolverine cookies?
A. Put them in a big bowl and beat them for three hours.

Q. What do you say to a Michigan Wolverine in a three piece suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.

Q. What do you call a football player in Michigan who has talent?
A. An Ohio product

Q. What's the difference between the Michigan football team and Frosted Flakes?
A. Frosted Flakes know what to do in a bowl

Q. Why do University of Michigan graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboard?
A. So that they can park in handicaped spaces.

Q. How do you get a Michigan graduate to stop knocking on your door and get off your porch?
A. Pay for the pizza.

Q. What do you have when you get 32 Michigan fans togethor?
A. A full set of teeth.

Have you heard the news? Lloyd Carr is only going to dress 22 players for the game
against Ohio State. The rest of the players have to dress themselves.

If a couple from Ann Arbor get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a
Michigan joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that
joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan
alumnus. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's a
Michigan alumnus. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The first guy says,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."

Three profs go to Tijuana. They had so much fun they were put in jail
and, justice being what it is, were sentenced to death by electrocution.
The first Prof sits in the chair. "Any last words?" "Yes, I'm from
Northwestern and I'm ready to meet my God." But nothing happens when the
switch is thrown and the Prof is released because it would be cruel and
unusual to attempt a second excecution. Next guy gets into the chair and
announces he's from Purdue, etc. and again nothing happens and he is
released. The third Prof has been watching very closely. When he gets
into the chair he says, "I'm from U. of Michigan and I'm an Electrical
Engineer. And if you just connect those two wires..."

Lloyd carr is on the Ohio 5 yard line in the closing seconds of a game
tied 14 - 14 and prays for inspiration. He looks to the heavens and says
"God what play should I call." God answers "throw a flat pass to the
right". Lloyd calls the play and it is intercepted and returned all the
way for a touchdown giving Ohio State the win. Lloyd once again looks to
the heavens and says "God why did you call that play". God pauses and
says "Hey Woody why did we call that play?"

When the Heisman trophy winner died and was at the pearly gates, St
Peter asked what he had accomplished to be allowed in. The football
player responded with all of his awards, yardage gained, etc and
suddenly stopped short screaming "Look it is Woody Hayes" as the man
passed by him. St Peter then corrected him saying, "No, it is God...He
only thinks he is Woody Hayes"

A Buckeye fan, a Wolverine fan, a nun and a stunning blonde are riding
on a train. Suddenly the train heads into a tunnel. A loud smack is
heard and as the train rides out of the tunnel the Wolverine fan is
rubbing his face. The nun thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab
the blonde." The blonde thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab the
nun." The Wolverine fan thinks: "The Buckeyes fan was probably trying to
grab the blonde, missed her and grabbed the nun instead. Then she tried
to smack him in the face and missed." The Buckeye fan thinks: "Next
tunnel I'm going to smack that stupid Wolverine fan again."

Directions to Michigan........ North till you smell crap, then West till
you step in it.

A family of Michigan football supporters head out to do some shopping.
The son picks up an OSU jersey and tells his mother he's decided to
become a Buckeye fan and wants this for Christmas. The mother, upset,
whacks him on the head and says Go see your father! Off he goes with the
OSU jersey in hand to find his dad. Dad? I've decided I'm going to be an
OSU fan and want this jersey for Christmas. The father is outraged,
whacks his son on the head and says No son of mine will ever be seen in
THAT! On they way home the father says I hope you learned something
today. The son says Yes, I have. What is it? I've only been a Buckeye
fan for an hour and I already hate you Michigan idiots.

A Michigan fan and an Ohio State fan go to the restroom and stand next
to each other at the urinal. They finish about the same time. The
Michigan fan goes to the sink to wash his hands and the Ohio State fan
starts to walk out. The Michigan fan yells that the Ohio State fan and
says hey in Michigan they teach us to wash our hands after going to the
bathroom. The Ohio State fan replies back. At Ohio State they teach us
not to pee on our hands...

Michigan babies are soo ugly their incubators are tinted.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But
I'm a graduate of the University of Michigan," the young man replied
indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."

4 college alumni were climbing a mountain. An Ohio State grad, a
Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, & a Notre Dame grad. As they climbed
they began to fight over who was the most spirited alumni & loved their
school more. As they reached the top the Notre Dame grad hurled himself
off the mountain. As he fell to his doom he shouted "THIS IS FOR THE
FIGHTING IRISH!!!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad then
shouted "THIS IS FOR THE NITANY LIONS!!!!" and hurled himself off the
side of the mountain. Of course not wanting to be outdone the Ohio State
grad shouted " THIS IS FOR THE BUCKEYES" & walked over and pushed the
Michigan grad over the side of the mountain!!!!!

A Professor invents an IQ machine that boosts a person's IQ to 300 and
then starts counting backward. He connects his wife to it, turns it off
at 190, and she starts explaining quantum physics. He tries it out on
his brother Bill, turns it off at 175, and Bill starts talking advanced
calculus. Then he plugs in his cousin Bob. Just then the phone rings,
and it's a telemarketer. By the time he gets back to unplug Bob, the
machine is counting down: 14 - 13 - 12. He slams the switch to "off,"
shakes Bob and screams, "Say something!" and Bob says, "Go blue!"

A stockbroker, on his way home from work in Columbus, came to a dead
halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems much worse than
usual." He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped
cars. The officer replies, "Lloyd Carr is depressed, so he stopped the
team bus and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself
on fire. He is tired of losing to Ohio State every year and the
university has cut back on his recruiting budget. We're taking up a
collection for him." The stockbroker asks, "How much have you got so
far?" The officer replies, "About 75 gallons, but a lot of folks are
still siphoning."

An Ann Arbor judge was ruling in the case of a ten year old boy who
accused his parents of beating him. After reviewing the evidence, the
judge announced that his intention to make the boy's grandmother his
custodian. The boy protested this, stating that the grandmother also
beat the boy. Finally, the judge awarded custody of the boy to Lloyd
Carr and the Wolverines, since the judge rightly determined that they
can't beat anybody.

A Michigan fan was sitting at a table reading the Newspaper, The
headline read: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." He shook his head at the
sad news, then turned to the man sitting next to him and asked, "How
many is a Brazilian?"
ome friends came to visit us in Dublin and commented that it sure was windy in Ohio. We had to explain that it's really not very windy at all in Ohio it's just that Michigan sucks so badly.
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What
does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Go Michigan." "Use Hot
Water , A box of Tide and Four Cups Bleach."

Maybe you've heard, LLLoyd Carr has lost the playbook for the game this
weekend... Unfortunately, he wasn't done coloring it yet.

Bo Schembeckler died and went to heaven. St. Peter met him at the gate.
"It is so great to have you here Coach." St. Peter leads Bo to a nice
little 2 bedroom ranch home painted maize and blue. Upon entering, Bo
finds the house decorated in Michigan colors with "M"'s all over. St.
Peter leads Bo to the nice backyard with patio. Bo looks up on the high
hill above his new home and sees a giant mansion all decked out in
Scarlet and Gray and a big Block "O" flag flying on the flag pole. Bo
turns to St. Peter and angerly asks: "Why in the heck does Woody get
such a big house and I get this little ranch house??" "Oh," says St.
Peter, "that is not Woody's house, that is God's house."

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by
his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly. "Becky my darling" he whispered. "Hush my love,"
she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his
tired voice, "I have something that I must confess." "There's nothing to
confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Every thing's all right, go to
sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I...I have been a Michigan
Fan all of my life!" "I know sweetheart," whispered Becky, "let the
poison work."

A Michigan grad sees an ad for a $99 cruise. He goes to the travel agent
and pays the fee. The travel agent hits him over the head with a club,
stuffs him in a sack, throws him out the window onto a raft and cuts the
raft loose. The Michigan grad wakes up floating in the ocean, along with
another Michigan graduate. "I hope they serve dinner on this cruise,"
the first grad says. "They didn't last year," the second one replies.

The Clevelander

A Clevelander in Hell

A guy from Cleveland dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Clevelander is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"The Clevelander, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland. Hot,humid, a good placeto work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Clevelander's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the Clevelander is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.The Clevelander replies, "This is great! Just like April in Cleveland. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"

The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the Clevelander suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the Clevelander unhappy, the devil checks in on him.He is again aghast at what he sees. The Clevelander is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee."How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!? " screams the devil.Jumping up and down, the Clevelander throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Browns won the Super Bowl!"
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Because I'm A Man

Because I'm a ManBecause I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.


This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

ANGELS HOME!!!

Angel is home...I have uploaded pictures from our wedding for all to see. Just click "our pictures"

OK I'll POST

Right now I have a craving for Freeze-pops!

Toast to Angel

Here's to the prettiest, here's to the wittiest,
Here's to the truest of all who are true,
Here's to the neatest one, here's to the sweetest one,
Here's to her, all in one---Here's to Angel!

Angel returns home July 11th

Thank you!

Heres to our Heros past and present...Without your service we would not be free.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES

The Atheist

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him.He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?""Very well," said the voice.The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke, "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful."

I'm Back

This is us leaving Cleveland

Below is the Christ Statue That Overlooks the City of Rio de Janeiro

That is a picture of 2 monkeys, no family resemblance

Carlieno, Elaine, Angel, Mom, Michelle, Then Daniel and myself

If you've played the game "Frogger", you know that the object is to get to the other side without getting hit. I have lived the game for the past 10 days. Red lights mean almost nothing, busses and cars stop no notice. CRAZY.

1 WEEK!

What I love about Sunday

Raymond's in his Sunday best,He's usually up to his chest in oil an' grease.There's the Martin's walkin' in,With that mean little freckle-faced kid,Who broke a window last week.Sweet Miss Betty likes to sing off key in the pew behind me. That's what I love about Sunday:Sing along as the choir sways;Every verse of Amazin' Grace,An' then we shake the Preacher's hand.Go home, into your blue jeans;Have some chicken an' some baked beans.Pick a back yard football team,Nothin' much of anything:That's what I love about Sunday. I stroll to the end of the drive,Pick up the Sunday Times, grab my coffee cup.It looks like Sally an' Ron, finally tied the knot,Well, it's about time.It's 35 cents off a ground round,Baby. cut that coupon out! That's what I love about Sunday:Cat-napping on the porch swing;You curled up next to me,The smell of jasmine wakes us up.Take a walk down a back road,Tackle box and a cane pole;Carve our names in that white oak,An' steal a kiss as the sun fades,That's what I love about Sunday,Oh, yeah. Ooh, new believers gettin' baptized,Momma's hands raised up high,Havin' a Hallelujah good timeA smile on everybody's face.That's what I love about Sunday,Oh, yeah. That's what I love about Sunday

Justice is Served

So last Saturday night, I was working and we we all getting ready to leave. 2 young men walked up to my store, one on the right, one on the left. They double over, then both of them Threw up all over the door and window. Well, me being a person with no tolerance for stupidity and the fact that I have a temper that only really stupid people can bring out took off chasing them. After a minute or two I stopped pursuit (not because I couldn't catch him, but because I would of beat him down!) So I got into my car and peeled out after the car they were running to. They were gone by the time I got there. Got the windows clean the next day(had to wait till sunlight to get it all). Today the same stupid kids came in to eat. I was contemplating different things to do, block their car, deflate the tire, call the cops...Just then a cop drove by. I walked out back, talked to the officer. Told him I just wanted to scare the boys. They denied everything...For about 5 minutes. Then the officer said, last chance, If I go and see you on the Video, I'm arresting you right now. He instructed me to get the video set up. He did a great job, one was crying, he broke them down.... What an end to a great week. They apologized which was all I wanted.

My thoughts on Immigration.

This is what I think, some may disagree...

America needs immigrants to Survive. Almost anything you do during the day relies on the fact that an immigrant legal or not played a part in it.

I am more than willing to open the door to whoever wants to become an American. But come as you are, to serve this Country will all your heart. Love it or leave it. Learn the language. You are coming here to join us, not coming here for us to join you. We are not helping people by using tax dollars to make signs in 2 languages(with the exception for boarder states). When I go to McDonald to get a hamburger, I don't want the employee looking at me like I'm speaking the wrong language. Que?, hamburger! Que? I no speakeee English... Then get off the counter and in the kitchen. In my former life in NH, I NEEDED immigrants like every business in that area to staff my restaurant. But, I held English classes for them before work. And assisted them in classes outside of work. If they did not have a desire to learn English, I did not have a desire to give them a job. That being said, I had to learn another language to communicate with them, I didn't mind so much...I was the only one who attemted to learn. I accommodated them as much as possible, but only the ones willing to improve their life here.

I think if you want to Join this country, it should be free. Announce to the immigration office when you arrive to get your "Temps" . However, I think you need to be a productive part of society for 6 years before getting you permanent residency or citizenship. This will take a lot of people off welfare and other government programs. The guest worker program I feel would be an asset to us...Its true what they say, America has a lot of jobs that Americans will not do.

Anyone that is currently here illegally should pay a penalty or fine (whichever you want to call it). If during the time they were illegal they were in jail for any theft or violent crime, they should be removed and not allowed back in for 10 years. Build a fence along the Mexican Boarder, make it an electric shock kind just for fun.

As you all know, my wife is an immigrant to this country. What a pain in the neck to make it legal for her to be here. If my government would of decided to "deport" her, not only would they have lost a future contributor to society, but also a citizen(myself) I would of moved to Brasil to be with her.

Do I think what she did was right? Coming here to this country to Improve her life? I Think the way she went about doing it was wrong. But what options did she have...Get on a list...Wait 10 years? But as Americans make it so hard for that to happen. There is such an underground of illegal documents, Drivers license, passports, SSN's that it is Huge money for the people doing it.

This country needs to think of somehow to organize the flow of people coming in. And we should NEVER close out doors.

A side note- I'm sick of people asking me what I am. I tell them I'm and American. Then they go, I'm Puerto Rican, so I say really, where were you born? They reply "in Cleveland". Then I say, what in the world makes you a Puerto Rican? Your an American.

If you live here, LIVE HERE! If you want to be a Puerto Rican...Move there. Or say, that your from Puerto Rican descent(or Mexican, German, Brazilian...Or whatever.)

Childhood continued from Jen spot...

14. Robby modeling
15. Spending the entire day in the woods and mom not getting worried
16. "Stuff" for dinner
17. getting extra pudding from the elementary school

Did I mention the Family Pics?

here is a few samples...



Even when we were young...


And when we got older...



This was our example...

Immigration:

To stay or not to stay? That is the question. What is your answer?

With all the talk and debates about immigration, I would like to know what everyone that reads this thinks.

I'll save my thoughts for a little while to give everyone a chance to comment.

Surprise

SURPRISE...I've got Good news...Who wants to know...

Blast from the past

Today I gave Foxy a "Free Ride"...."Free Ride for anybody"...

Measure up...

So latey my cold foods in my fridge have not been that cold. Angel and I have been pricing out refridgerators for a while now, and we both know what we wanted. So Sunday morning my wife wanted to go shopping for 1. I said okay, then opened the newspaper...looked at the ads...and said" i'm done. She didnt think that was funny. Angel said she saw a nice one at Marcs (for those of you who don't know, Marcs is a closeout center. Really cool stuff for very cheap.). So we went to Marcs, sure enough, just the kind we were looking for and 50 junior bacon cheesebugers cheaper than we've seen. So we paid, Called up the cousins picked it up an hour or so later. When we got home we decided to take the old one out first, we did without a problem. Now the problem. With all the excitement of getting a new fridge, We forgot to measure it. lets just say it is alot bigger than the old one, and took alot of "shifting" to get it in the front door...That was the widest door in the house. Its in the kitchen now, after the doors came off...not just the house but the fridge also, some molding and a hurt back.

1/4 of an inch is all the room I have between the Window sill and the counter (thats 1/8 on each side) Talk about cutting it close.

But, I dont have to make my own ice any more....

Top 10

1. A pet teaches you responsibility.

2. You can get lots of exercise by walking your pet.

3. If you get lonely, you have a friend to play with.

4. You can save a pet's life by adopting one from a shelter.

5. The pet needs a friend.

6. A pet always greets you at the door even when you've had a bad day.

7. When your Mom makes a terrible dinner, your pet can clean it up.

8. A pet can guard your house.

9. A pet can make a boring car trip much more fun.

10. The pet will love you, no matter what!